the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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