FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
