wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
