im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
