maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
