She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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