rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
