Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
