I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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