let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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