Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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