paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
