if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
