That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
