I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
