Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Watching her eat just hurts me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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