I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
