Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
