So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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