Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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