dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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