these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize