eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
