I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize