i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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