Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
