My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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