"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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