btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
