im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
