If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize