Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
