Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
