I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
