I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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