I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
