My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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