thus making me awesome and them whores
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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