Umm I'm too high to move.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
