I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
