I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
