He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
