plz talk dirty to me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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