You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
