She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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