I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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