I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
