I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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