you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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