Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
