I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
