I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize