well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
soo... how was my night?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize