btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
