There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
