thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
