I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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