I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
