we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
