someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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