His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
