he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
