a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
