I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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