I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
