You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Come see our sink grown plant.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
