Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she told me i tasted like america
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Panties = found
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
