we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
