It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
