awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
