I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
