Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
